the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
