i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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