well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
