I'm really into asian looking animals
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
