I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
