3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
farters have to be the big spoon...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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