Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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