he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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