im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
