mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
