so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
