And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
