the only muscles i have these days is kegels
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
