i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
