I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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