C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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