Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
