So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
