im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
