i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
