I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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