Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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