i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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