If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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