the condom got lost in my hair
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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