dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
