He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
