You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
