This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize