If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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