Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize