sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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