i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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