No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
