defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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