our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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