They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
