I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things Theyâ€™ve Ever Seen In Public
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs