I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived