Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her