no, he came in my armpit
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever