He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
