i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
