I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
