Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
