The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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