I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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