Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
