If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
