i think my tv is drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
