All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
