dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
