Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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