Sry I called you an 8
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
