We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize