So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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