some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
