I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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