haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
