I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
