apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
